Creepsteevo Swankavitch

Sup my peeps. Creepsteevo here, on MoonBase Alpha, and I’ma tell a bit about myself. Obviously, you’ve all heard of me. However, if you are a complete loser and live under a rock I will inform you on myself anyways. My full name is Creepsteevo Daffodil Swankavich. The ladies love my middle name, it shows my touch of femininity. And, I am alllllllll about the ladies. I spend most of my time in a bar to pick up chicks. Although, with my reputation, the ladies might as well be picking up me. I’ve had so many girlfriends, including your sister, your cousin, your mom, and even the girlfriend you have now. That’s right, sorry not sorry. I can’t help it if I’m that smooth. Anyhow, my best friend is a total dog, just like me. Except he’s literally, a real dog. He’s my bartender. He makes all these great jokes all the time about how he’s only my friend because I keep buying his drinks, but that’s how we play around. His name’s Charlay, you should check out his website We’ve never actually hung out outside of the bar, but that’s because I never leave. Unless that prick Fawkes tosses me out. Fawkes is another bartender in the place. He is not a fan about me saying that I was with his girlfriend Mary. She’s a biter that one. The dude loves to brag about how her bite gave him superpowers but she didn’t give me anything except maybe a neck injury from how fast I turned checking her out. His website is While I go to the bar all the time, I don’t drink myself. I’m very against alcohol. Instead I get drinks for my ladies, they’re always thirsty. Usually I walk them home. Sometimes they don’t notice all the way until they reach their house! Then they get all excited and call their friends to say how blessed they are that they actually got Creepsteevo to walk them home. Coincidentally, the police tend to show up a few minutes later, that’s when they usually give me the whole “You can’t keep chasing these girls Creepsteevo, you gotta leave some for the rest of us” and while I may have added that last part, we all know they’re thinking it. One of my hot babes is named Aquamarine. She’s like a sexy sea goddess. The best girls are always underwater. She’s always saying “Oh no Creepsteevo, we would never work out! I wish we could but I think your hotness is causing the water to quickly deplete on our planet!” I mean at least she’s always talking something about that, I’m pretty sure thats where she’s getting at. Her website is  Another water babe is named Keva Murphy. She’s super smoking. Just like the torch weapon thingy she used to chase me away with. She’s just playing “hard to get”. Everyone always plays that game with me. She said something about how she’s too busy protecting the land for a boyfriend. I bet she’s just trying hard to protect her purity, because with me, Creepsteevo, that never lasts long. Her website is  Another underwater girlfriend I have is Oceana  , that babe wants me bad. She’s a mermaid-SCORE! Damn those fins are sexy. Point is, many people wish they could be Creepsteevo, but the truth is, I’m just super amazing and it’s too much to handle for the average Joe. In my spare time, I work out hard core at the ping pong table where I have become a master. Only one guy named Forrest has ever beaten me. But ultimately I win because his name is like trees and mine is like awesome. I also do a lot of running. I’ve become very good at it because my girlfriend’s have their wanna be “boyfriends” chase me saying “Creepsteevo! Stay away from my girl! She can’t handle your muscular body and righteous face! She’s going to leave me for you if you stay” and I only leave because I feel sorry for them because it’s true. Finally I’m only going to share one more thing, because Creepsteevo must remain mysterious to the ladies. I have written, not one, but TWO children’s books. That’s right. Two. As if I wasn’t hot enough already. Both of them feature me, Creepsteevo, and how to hit on the ladies. You must teach them young. Sure, neither of them are legally allowed to be sold in any book store or given out to people, but I have made a profit. My mom bought a copy, and since I wrote my books with crayons, I earned a whole 2 dollars and 25 cents. Also I won the lottery once, so I don’t have to work anywhere else. That is the life of me, Creepsteevo. Don’t panic or faint all at once ladies, I’m not afraid to have more than one girlfriend. 😉


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